But First… It’s good to be back in the STATES again, I’ve been in Myanmar working on a Horror/Martial Arts/Global Warming Movie with Michael Moore, Leonardo Dicaprio and Al Gore with the working title: Moore, Gore and Decapitation

During the downtime on the set.. I got to talking to Michael and Al about Losing Weight and was able to pitch them some of Crappo’s Fabulous Weight Loss Products like the “Rapido Weight Loss Formula” and “The UK Diet“.

It was tough to talk over the sound of the AC Blasting in our Trailer, but they seemed genuinely interested..until lunch arrived of course..

Of course, Leo would just not stop talking about how great his Prius was, he had it flown over to location in a C135, so he could drive it into town.

It actually drove okay on the small trails, and honestly he did not have to fill it up once during the shoot. And because the tank was near empty, the C135 was able to save 3 ounces of Jet Fuel on the 16 hour flight back to the States.

Which is good because they had to dump 3000 Gallons of Jet Fuel in the rainforest in order to lift off the short runway…

Anyhow… between all the blah, blah, blah of weight loss, and the save the rainforest, buy green, recycle, and Go Hybrid RA RA!

I hit on a BRILLIANT IDEA!!

Why not CREATE a Fitness Formula That Would Increase Your Gas Mileage Too!!!

I quickly called The Crappo Labs with an outline of the Formula… They were as excited as I was… but told me it couldn’t be done..

So I put Al on the phone.. Al was able to pull up a PowerPoint he had done some 30 years earlier which had predicted the formula would be created in 2007 and this was enough impress the Crappo Scientists to press on.

Al actually showed me another PowerPoint made around the same time.. It was a Music Device he invented called the “AL-Pod” which allowed you to download music from another invention he was working on at the time. The Inter..something or other..

The guy is amazing. He even had a handheld TV from the 80’s he carried around which he called a “U-Tube”

Anyhow.. we’re getting off topic..

Crappo Scientists Pressed On and Created…

THE HI-OCTANE FITNESS FORMULA

It enables anyone to Lose Weight and Increase the Gas Mileage of Any Vehicle Instantly…

Listen to some of these Testimonials…

Hi Rich…

Just want to say in the last six weeks I’ve lost 25 Pounds, and increased my Gas Mileage by 2.5%.. I was going to buy a Prius, but if I can just lose another 25 pounds my Carbon Footprint will be reduced enough I won’t have to..

Rich,

What a bunch of baloney… or that’s what I thought (and used to eat).. This Formula Really Works! Dang… I must have saved $15.00 this month on Gas… I can’t believe I didn’t think of this formula..

Rich

You sir are a Genius… I’ve lost 35 Pounds in 8 weeks.. I’ve saved over $40 in Gas and my Average MPG has gone from 21mpg to 23 mpg..

Those are just 3 of the 1000’s of Testimonials we’ve received…

And now I know you can’t wait to hear the Formula…
How to Order… and How to Get Started Right Away…

Well, I’ve got a bit of a surprise for you…

The Crappo Legal Team told us that we can’t charge for this information… Because we’ve made too many dramatic weight loss claims in the past, we have to give this away for free…

So I’m going to tell you the Formula right now..

Get Your Pen and Paper…
Bookmark This Page it might not be up for long…

Here’s the Formula..

WALK INSTEAD OF DRIVE!!!
YOU’LL LOSE WEIGHT!!!
YOU WONT SPEND AS MUCH ON GAS!!!
YOUR MPG WILL INCREASE BECAUSE…
YOU’RE LIGHTER!!!

Rich Satire here with the Most Amazing Diet Plan I’ve ever seen. Testimonials are pouring in daily for this revolutionary diet program.

There are no Diet Pills
There’s no Exercise Plan
No Counting Calories or Carbs

When I first heard about this diet plan I was shocked.

People everywhere were losing 37 pounds their very first day on the diet. Guaranteed!

And once the legal team at Crappo Products gave me the go-ahead, (and my appearance fee)… I immediately rushed to the studio to film the infomercial.

So what is this Amazing Diet Program called? It’s the UK-Diet!

Developed in England by Crappo Products International, this miracle loss formula is taking Europe by Storm.

Unfortunately it can’t be sold in the U.S. due to FTC issues.

The plan is so simple it works like Magic.. just purchase the plan and 37 pounds will vanish instantly.

Here are some Amazing Testimonials.

Nigel from London says:

Bloody hell, I couldn’t believe it I purchased the UK Diet and within minutes I realized I’d just lost 37 Pounds!

James from Leeds tells us:

You Bastard, to my surprise I lost 37 pounds instantly.

Bill from Birmingham:

Cheers Mate, ingenious program.. 37 Pounds bloody vanished.. Good show!

Thanks Mates.. great stuff.

Now I know most of you are anxious to get started on the diet so I’m going to tell you how to order in just a minute. But first, let me say again, this program is GUARANTEED!. If you don’t lose 37 pounds on the day you purchase the program we’ll give you a 100% refund!

How To Order!

The UK Diet is only available in the UK, so you must order via our UK shopping cart. The cost is just $68 US Dollars, but your payment will be converted to English Currency..

BUY NOW FOR JUST £37 GBP

THIS IS A PARODY SITE – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ORDER – IT’S A JOKE

Looking for Real Credit Diet Products? Click Here!

It’s called the Rapido Weight Loss Formula Because it works Fast!

Let’s face it, there’s an Obesity Epidemic happening all around us.. Americans are getting fatter and wider every day. But now you can have a perfect body like me, Rich Satire with the Rapido Weight Loss Formula.

Diet Products are Multi-Billion dollar industry. And Rich Satire wants a piece of the pie.. um….. action.. Piece of the action.. That’s why when the folks at Rapido Weight Loss Inc, asked me to pitch their cutting edge product for them I said why not… As long as no one dies…

So What’s the formula?

It’s so simple..

All you do is take 3 Rapido Pills with 8 Ounces of water, wait 30 Minutes, then work out Vigorously on a treadmill, elliptical trainer or Stairmaster for 2-3 hours.

After you get off the treadmill, take 3 More Rapido Pills with another 8 Ounces of Water, then go sit in a Sauna or Steambath for 1-3 hours.

Just do this for 10 Days Straight and We Guarantee Dramatic Weight Loss..

Listen to what Bob from San Diego had to say about the Rapido Weight Loss Formula

“At first I was skeptical about whether this formula would work, but I decided to give it a try. The first couple of days were tough, and the third day, I had to be rushed to the Emergency room so I didn’t get the full hour in the Sauna… But for some reason that was my biggest weight loss day to date.. After 10 Days I dropped 37 pounds, and once the doctors take me off dialysis, I’m getting right back on the system. Thanks Rapido!”

~~~

Created by a group of Scientists working out of a world-class facility in Mexico, they spared no expense in testing this incredible supplement.

They conducted double-blind studies on this amazing weight loss formula.

The control group were given a placebo with a glass of water and told to run north, the other group was given Rapido and told to run north.

Unfortunately the group given the placebo went across the US Border and were not available for further testing.. But Due to Rapid Weight Loss, the Rapido group did not have the energy to make it to the Border.. What does this prove? It Works!

BUY THE RAPIDO WEIGHT LOSS FORMULA NOW FOR JUST 3 EASY PAYMENTS OF $39.95

Order today and we’ll send you a Free Work-Out Towel and One Dozen Salt Tablets.

THIS IS A PARODY SITE – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ORDER – IT’S A JOKE

Looking for Real Diet Products? Click Here!

Rich Satire here..

Several years ago Abdominal belts that you could wear underneath your clothes were all the rage.. I even pitched a few on late night TV myself. They promised to help you lose pounds, lose inches, all without diet and exercise, simply by causing your abdominal muscles to contract by electric stimulus. And before long the FTC got involved.. and yada, yada, yada.. you know the rest.

Now the Scientists at Crappo Products knew the Ab Belt inventors were onto something with the whole muscle contraction thing to help stimulate your abdominal muscles.. What they were lacking was power. It takes a lot of juice to really make this work.

Thanks to my genetics I don’t have to work too hard to keep my six pack abs in shape, so when Crappo invited me to try their new Ab-Tazer Fit system I was eh… stunned.

Now, Crappo Scientists conducted interviews with over 100 Felons and here’s what one had to say about Ab-Tazer.

I like to stay in shape and seeing as I’m out of work and a 2-Time Felon I often drink beer with my shirt off. It’s important my Abs look good.. You never know when you’re going to be on COPS, or even American Idol.

Now I’ve been Tasered a few times by the Local Sheriff, only he usually gets me in the chest… but one night after I got home late from drinking with the boys, the old lady was ready for me and hit me in the Stomach with a Stun Gun the second I walked in the door. I said “Daaaannngggg Woman, that hurts..” Well would you know that the next day my Abs were sore… Like I had done 100 Situps.. So when I found out about the Ab-Tazer I stole the first one I could find to try it out.. Thanks Ab-Tazer Billy Lou Ray Bob, FL.!

Wow that’s great Billy Lou! In fact, we have some footage of Billy Lou on Cops coming up later.

So where was I..

Oh yes… The Ab Tazer System.

Let’s face it.. if you’re trying to lose weight and trim inches off your waistline you need an edge.. An the Ab Tazer can give you that jolt you need to get started..

50,000 volts can burn a lot of calories too.. After all Volts and Calories are both forms of energy..

Also Ab-Tazer only works with the Buddy System which is a proven way to improve your motivation and maintain willpower. In the old days you’d pass a Medicine Ball back and forth, but it’s the 21st Century.. Find a Buddy, stand 10 Feet apart, aim for the stomach and hit that button.. All it takes is 3 Hits, 3 Times a day and you’ll have washboard abs or perhaps renal failure in just a few weeks.

You need Ab-Tazer. Get it today for just $99.95!! (Batteries Not Included)

THIS IS A PARODY SITE – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ORDER – IT’S A JOKE

Looking for Real Weight Loss Products? Click Here!