I know your first thought is “Rich, you’ve got a beautiful head of hair, surely it’s natural”

And yes, you’re right it is.. I’m no baldy…

And when the makers of the Follicle Frenzy hair loss system asked me to pitch their product I said sure… Rich is willing to help the follicly challenged..

So I asked them, what is it?, another Propecia, Rogaine, or advanced Flowbee attachment? They said it’s even more cutting edge..

I was impressed…

Hair loss remedies are a billion dollar business… Rich would get scalped for a billion bucks…

And you’ve got to figure a cure for baldness is years off.. Even Captain Picard was bald, which is very bad sign for you baldies out there.. Was it Boldly go?, or Baldly go?… I can’t remember…

So what causes hair loss I asked…

They told me the most common cause of hair loss is known as androgenetic alopecia, or male pattern baldness..

It affects about 10-15% of American Males by their mid 20’s, and almost 40% by their mid-30’s.

There are other factors too, but about 95% of all cases are Alopecia related..

I started to nod off at this point and I don’t remember much more about the conversation.. But when they pulled out their checkbook I woke right back up.

So finally I said okay… So tell me how the Follicle Frenzy system works?

It’s simple they said.. Most men suffer extreme stress watching their hair slowly fall out each day.. They spend $1000’s on pills, topical creams, hair replacements, yet they still cringe every time they look at a shower drain…

By the way rumor has it that in the famous Pyscho shower scene Janet Leigh had Alopecia and was actually screaming because the drain was clogged with her own hair.. Tony Perkins had a nice head of hair… don’t know why he wore a wig in that scene…

Anyhow… they continued on and said..

The Follicle Frenzy system stops gradual hair loss instantly and you’ll never see another head hair in the shower again… And it’s guaranteed…

Here’s how it works…

When you purchase the Follicle Frenzy system you get our advanced creme, an electric trimmer and a bag of bic razors…

Step 1.. Turn the electric trimmer on and make multiple passes over your remaining hair.

Step 2.. Apply our Special Creme until it’s foamy and covering your entire head..

Step 3. Use the Bic Razors and make multiple passes over your scalp until it’s smooth as the hood of my Corvette..

That’s it you’re done… Gradual Hair Loss is a thing of the past.

Every few days repeat steps 2 and 3 and you’ll never lose another hair from your head…

Think of the countless hours of stress and grooming this will save you…

To maintain this look all you have to do is purchase our special Gillette….. eh, I mean Follicle Frenzy Cream every month on autoship…

It’s just $19.95 per month… Click here to order..

THIS IS A PARODY SITE – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ORDER – IT’S A JOKE