Rich Satire here.. I know you haven’t seen me in awhile, and I bet the first thing you noticed is my Amazing Tan and Lean physique.

That’s because six months ago I was invited by the Founders of Crappo Products to their new exclusive resort: Playa Del Crappeo, and I just got back to the States.

Located on the tiny island of Hostageo just off the coast of Costa Rica, Playa Del Crappeo is a gorgeous 50 yard stretch of beach with fabulous views, beautiful sand and very few fatal shark attacks.

Crappo Travel, always hip to the latest Travel trends picked up on the Adventure Travel success of TV shows like “Lost” (I was Passenger 57, and I’m set to appear in Episode 275) and “Survivor” ( I was a 3rd Alternate in Season Four, Jeff Probst’s Stunt Double in Season 5, and Richard Hatch’s Ass Double in Season One) Crappo purchased 20 Acres of lush jungle for 12 Goats and a Pallet of Ab-Tazers from Cesar Juan “Exxon” Valdez in 2005.

Now in Development, Villa Del Crappeo is billing itself as the ultimate Adventure Travel Destination.

Listen to this Amazing Travel Package

$139 includes..

Up to 180 Days and 179 Nights Lodging
Scavenger Breakfast each morning
Daily Outdoor Activities
Access to Fitness Center and Fresh Water..
AND…

FREE AIRFARE to Hostageo Island (some restrictions apply*)

*Valid from any Airport within 50 square miles of Resort

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When I first set foot on Playa Del Crappeo’s scorching white sands I saw a Beautiful Beach, Gorgeous Palm Trees and noticed just the faintest odor from the famed Hostageo leech fields.

I knew I was in for the time of my life..

Now you’re wondering.. How can Villa Del Crappeo offer this incredible travel package?

It’s easy… as we’ve stated this is the Ultimate Adventure Travel Destination.

When you first arrive, you’ll be handed Crappeo’s signature drink. La Siesta Investa

Made with 5 parts rum, 1 part sweet vermouth, pineapple juice, coconut milk, a dash of rohypnol and garnished with not one, but two umbrellas, it’s a taste that you’ll soon forget.

After 1 Drink or 2 depending on your bodyweight, you’ll be led into our Conference Hut for a six hour presentation on….

Villa Del Crappeo Timeshares!

Imagine your own patch of sandy jungle, with elevated wood flooring, multi-colored tarp and well-worn path to the beach! Tropical fruit and hearty grubs at arm’s reach.

After the six hour presentation the Villa Paralegalies will use your freshly signed Power of Attorney and Timeshare contract to get you the best financing possible. Upon approval and after 3 business days you’re free to leave the Island immediately.

But…. If you’re not approved for financing you can take advantage of our “Last Resort Package”

Keeping with the “LOST” Theme, YOU and your family will be taken to “Others” this exclusive Work Spa and Fitness Center is located on the back of our Crappeo compound..

Here you can work off your mortgage and monthly timeshare fees under the beautiful South American sun. You’ll be building huts and shelters as well as learning sewerage basics, all under the tutelage of ex-Freedom Fighters and local out of work fisherman.

During this time we’ll have our financial experts working on increasing your credit score and getting your Timeshare financing approved.

Now not only are we giving you lodging and allowing you to scavenger for food during this time, but we’ll reduce your Timeshare purchase price $10 per month for each member of your family who participates. After six months a family of four can save up to $240 on the price of our Dirt Villa package bringing the cost down to just $499,759.00.

It gets better.. during Survivor Thursdays, we have friendly family competition with Prizes ranging from fresh water and beernuts and to videocassettes of Rosie O’Donnell and CarrotTop performing standup.

So if you’ve been looking for a Tropical getaway, Adventure Destination and Great Investment. Book Your Hostageo Vacation Today!

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This is Satire… don’t try to book… we’re sold out anyhow..