Rich Satire – Celebrity Pitchman

Hi Viewers,

Rich Satire here..

Several years ago Abdominal belts that you could wear underneath your clothes were all the rage.. I even pitched a few on late night TV myself. They promised to help you lose pounds, lose inches, all without diet and exercise, simply by causing your abdominal muscles to contract by electric stimulus. And before long the FTC got involved.. and yada, yada, yada.. you know the rest.

Now the Scientists at Crappo Products knew the Ab Belt inventors were onto something with the whole muscle contraction thing to help stimulate your abdominal muscles.. What they were lacking was power. It takes a lot of juice to really make this work.

Thanks to my genetics I don’t have to work too hard to keep my six pack abs in shape, so when Crappo invited me to try their new Ab-Tazer Fit system I was eh… stunned.

Now, Crappo Scientists conducted interviews with over 100 Felons and here’s what one had to say about Ab-Tazer.

I like to stay in shape and seeing as I’m out of work and a 2-Time Felon I often drink beer with my shirt off. It’s important my Abs look good.. You never know when you’re going to be on COPS, or even American Idol.

Now I’ve been Tasered a few times by the Local Sheriff, only he usually gets me in the chest… but one night after I got home late from drinking with the boys, the old lady was ready for me and hit me in the Stomach with a Stun Gun the second I walked in the door. I said “Daaaannngggg Woman, that hurts..” Well would you know that the next day my Abs were sore… Like I had done 100 Situps.. So when I found out about the Ab-Tazer I stole the first one I could find to try it out.. Thanks Ab-Tazer Billy Lou Ray Bob, FL.!

Wow that’s great Billy Lou! In fact, we have some footage of Billy Lou on Cops coming up later.

So where was I..

Oh yes… The Ab Tazer System.

Let’s face it.. if you’re trying to lose weight and trim inches off your waistline you need an edge.. An the Ab Tazer can give you that jolt you need to get started..

50,000 volts can burn a lot of calories too.. After all Volts and Calories are both forms of energy..

Also Ab-Tazer only works with the Buddy System which is a proven way to improve your motivation and maintain willpower. In the old days you’d pass a Medicine Ball back and forth, but it’s the 21st Century.. Find a Buddy, stand 10 Feet apart, aim for the stomach and hit that button.. All it takes is 3 Hits, 3 Times a day and you’ll have washboard abs or perhaps renal failure in just a few weeks.

You need Ab-Tazer. Get it today for just $99.95!! (Batteries Not Included)

THIS IS A PARODY SITE – DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ORDER – IT’S A JOKE

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